As you know carsyn's father has not been involved in my life since Carsyn was 5 months old. I really wasn't interested in dating anyone after that. I was in school, working and trying to get a handle on life as a mom with a special needs child (appointments, hospital trips and medications.) I used to take weekend trips to my step dads (he is no longer in my moms life but he was my stepdad for ten years.. I still consider him my stepdad, I always will.) instead of our normal eat dinner and hang out watching tv and catching up he decided to take me to his friends house. They were a couple with a young teenage boy. Very nice, but didn't know how to shush it. When The boy walked in my stepdad jokingly said "meet your new girlfriend, isn't she cute?" And instead of laughing it off as the boy and I did his mom pipes up with " oh no, you're not dating my son. I'm not ready to be a grandma" and she just stared at me. Did she seriously think I showed up to find a baby daddy? Excuse me, but doesn't my life seem complicated enough? Although I was not interested, that comment still struck me as hurtful. I was not accepted. And that was the first time I ever really thought about being a single mom. My mom had done it, did she go through this?
Fast forward to when I met A, there was no idea of dating in my mind. In fact, he wanted me to introduce him to a friend. My friends ended up not so single, and in the mean time A and I had gotten to know each other. Oddly enough I found myself liking him, a lot. And by some miracle, he liked me! But in the back of my mind I kept telling myself to be prepared for rejection. Be prepared for someone not to accept you. But his mother blew me away. At first she didn't like the idea because my mom was good friends with her. But She wasn't rejecting me because I was a single mom. In fact, after we talked more She wasn't rejecting me at all. This woman is a godsend. (Who I still talk to)
Although that relationship didn't work out it would still move on with me into future relationships. That relationship was one of my best and the way A treated me went on to teach me how I should be treated and how a relationship should be. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he thought I was a pain in the ass. After having to do things myself (besides the help of my mom) even when sperm donor was there I didn't know how to work with someone else. And it was over stupid things like letting him carry a bag when my hands were full. I just didn't know how to let him in like that. I'd never been in a relationship where the guy wanted to help me instead of bring me down and make me do everything by myself. One of my friends who didn't like A ( he had a smart mouth and a sharp tongue) couldn't understand why I dated him. But she didn't see how he treated me. She was so clouded with judgement she couldn't see that he really did care about Carsyn and myself. He never spoke down to me, he never laid a hand on me. He didn't treat me the way I had been treated in past relationships. He was completely different. He put his own feelings aside to keep me happy. And I will forever be thankful for that man. He tried. And it was all I could ask for. Although our breakup was rough for me( I really liked him) I still wish we still talked, because we got along great as friends even after we split and I had time to heal. Maybe I thought it was a better relationship than what he did, but it doesn't matter. Because it set the tone for my next relationship... Which was a long ways away.
After A and I split I was back to not wanting to date. I wasn't ready for anything, not that I was when I met A, but still. when you are a single parent and your friends are all out partying or hanging out until sunrise, you get lonely. So I met some new people to talk to, just to pass the time. M was kind of a douche. But I talked to him anyway. (My friend Mattie, in England was and still is one of my best friends because of my loneliness. We still talk, and I love him for always being interested in Carsyn and my life. He's even met todd!) but M, he was different. He wasn't like Mattie, he talked to me just so I'd go see his shitty band play. And after I told him I had a child? He deleted me from everything and blocked me. The douche thought I was looking for a baby daddy. This guy had no balls. ( ha. If only you knew what I did right there) I was not interested in him that way, and he never asked. He just assumed. So, without a second thought, I stopped talking to everyone except Mattie. He heard all the stories about the guys who thought I was looking for something that I wasn't, and he kept me company when I needed someone to talk to.
A couple years later I met todd. He didn't care I had a child, he was interested in me anyway. ( I on the other hand was not interested) but he was persistent and I eventually agreed to a date.. I think You know the rest :)
Rejection sucks no matter what form it comes in. And there will be rejection, especially in the dating world. But I guess my point was, that for every douche, or parent that doesn't accept you there are a few really great guys out there. And in my case, they show up when you're least expecting them. My relationships with A and Todd are the best I have ever been in. I wouldn't change them for the world. So if you're in a similar situation, don't fret. Let love find you.
Until next time <3
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