My sleeping pattern has been greatly altered since I had
Carsyn. I used to be able to sleep through anything, now he coughs or sniffs
and I’m out of bed checking on him. At first I got ZERO sleep unless my mom
took him. Then he got his shunt and things calmed down a bit, but I’m still not
getting much sleep at night.
You
see, I have nightmares. Horrible
nightmares. About Carsyn.
They don’t
happen every day, I’ll guess about 3-4 times
a week, and they’re intense. So vivid and real that I wake up, heart racing and
scrambled to check on Carsyn. Sometimes
they are just stupid dreams about things that won’t ever possibly happen, Like
last night when I dreamt our house didn’t have any walls and a coyote was in
Carsyn’s bed trying to take him away.
But there are other dreams I have about things that actually COULD
happen. Those are the ones I can’t
forget. Once I have them I stay up the rest of the night watching Carsyn sleep.
People
keep telling me to get night nursing, but the thing is, it won’t change
anything. I am up anyway. Even if there was someone here I would still be up.
Night nursing won’t help me, leave it alone.
I won’t go to a doctor about this, if I get put on something
I won’t be able to get myself up when I need to check on him. I’m not looking for advice on this. I just
needed to get it out. It didn’t start
until last year. All of a sudden I just started having them.
Nightmares suck.
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